Change

Hyeee! Wow I left this blog for awhile. Like this is legit the first post of 2017 and it's June right now.

Please bring back the old me, who is so rajin to write online.

Well, I kinda busy with school stuffs, people. I didn't even imagine to have this kind of schedule. It was tough to catch up everything.

And it was tough to be a good student and a good friend.

This is going to be an emotional confession. Beware.

So basically I have this one jawatan which is to keep on eye my same aged friends. And if there are problems, I need to guide them to be better. And if there are no progress, I needed to make a report to the teachers. And yea, using some common senses, who would befriend with me? I mean, we wouldn't show our mistakes to those fellows. Right?

The differences on how they treated me last year and now are just too obvious. They wouldn't mind talked about their crush or bring phones illegally to school in front of me. But now? They even blocked me on social medias. They started to see me as a stranger. Yea I know you guys must be like "So what? Chill la.".

To be really honest, it's hurt. I'm hurt inside. I may be a crybaby because everytime, when we talked about our problems, I would cry. It just unstoppable. I will cry if I feel disappointed, angry and sad in the same time.

Girl, how strong you may see in her outside but she is still a soft hearted inside.

As for me, I am harsh with people especially guys and the first thought they will make is that I am sombong. These all happened because first, I am introvert. Second, there was an incident that made me changed drastically. I have that phobia. I was a nice person to strangers before honestly. Besides that, I am really disciplined while working. Some people hate that.

So it was hard, man. Hard. Advising people is already like separuh nyawa.

Disrespectful, hypocrite and not helpful. I need to fight these too.

Going through all these stuffs is just like fighting mentally. Trust me, it is not that easy.

I don't know if you understand this or not but the thoughts that have been playing around in mind recently are "Will I even succeed in holding this big responsibility?" "Will it makes changes to the people?" "Am I good enough?".

I've been stressing out and having a really low self-esteem right now. I blamed myself a lot. Thus there are minimum supports from people around me is making things worse. I am busy with all these works (there are more than this) and having a not good result in examination, made them lost their trust on me.

They told me to stop. Stop all of these and focus on my study. Stop wasting my time on these.

Well, yea that's hurt too.

But you know what? I'm not giving up. I know that He is there. Thus these all happened because of me.

I will change their minds and will change myself.

"I can do it." should be framed inside my mind.

I am receiving the positive vibes! InsyaAllah I will be a better person.

C:

[CONFESSION]

Old

"I want the old good memories back."

This happened to me every single day.

I wanna be a kid again. I wanna play and live happier as nothing's happening.

I've been wanting to slow down the time and cherish more the life. Aren't we?

Have you thought, why all these happened so fast?

I want the time to take a break from ticking. Really wanting it happens.

Because the more you aged, the lesser the fun will be.

[CONFESSION]

Ambitions

This time I'm wanting to tell you guys about my ambitions since I was young, knowing nothing but wanted to be a great person, until now.

When I was 5, I wanted to be a teacher. I know it's freaking cliche but I admired my kindergarten teacher. She was really cheerful and as a 5 years old kid, I thought she was intelligent. Very intelligent (although all she taught me was just English lessons). I kept that ambition until I turned 8.

And suddenly I wanted to be a policewoman! Ya Allah, I don't know how I got that idea from. Maybe that time I really wanted to join a taekwondo class. I thought it was SO COOL to safe people from danger and make some peace to this world. Two words, not matured. I was 8, don't blame me!

But unfortunately, I'm not a loyal person. I wanted to be a teacher again. (it's obvious that I love to make good things to people, eh?)

Around 2013, I got confused. My ambitions kept changing. (I already said that I'm not a loyal person) From a photographer, to a chef, to a pediatrician, to a kindergarten teacher, to an animator, to an astrophysicist, to a pendakwah, to a novel writer, to an architect, I've tried it all. Well I guess, it did happened to everyone?

Photographer. Well, I love to take photos. Like it's so beautiful! The landscape, the light and everything! I love all of them. So one day, I've decided to take my interest as my career. But my dad said that job for a guy, because it's not an easy task for a woman. (because of the differences of kudrat) That also happened to the ambition, wanted to be a chef. My dad said, "you can take those as a hobby instead." And yes, I kinda agreed to that.

Then, it was such a coincidence, when I found out that science was fun. I mean like I found it was fun to learn more about things around me. Moreover, I liked kids and babies that time. Like I literally a fan of those cute little things and chubby things play around together. And their laughs. //feel like a mom, a proud mom.//. So that were the reasons why I made a pediatrician as my career. But man, Allah is truly knows the best for me. I changed it, by myself, my own decision to be a kindergarten teacher, because of I hate biology. (see, I'm weird ; like science but not biology and apparently I'm a girl, who supposed to like biology). And sometimes a thought to become a veterinarian, happened.

So here the thing, why I hate biology? Well, it just because of the weird science names. Plus, I hate to memorize those leceh things. For real. And I hate bloods, and I doesn't have that patience to be in the operation room.

So next! An animator. I admit, I have such a big interest in art, but it just not the drawing thing. I love to draw but as I thought further, it will just going to be a hobby, which is, it is.

An astrophysicist. I love physics! I really really love them. One of the favorite subjects of mine, at the moment. I love maths and it's related to physics. I love spaces, skies and like the stars, planets, galaxies, and all. But you know, I'll keep that as knowledge je. Because I don't know, maybe it's not suitable for me? Same goes to the pendakwah and book writer thingy.

Architect! I love to draw to those kind of things, and I have interest in buildings. So why not?

But I've made a decision to be an interior designer! Because I hate business stuffs that are needed in architecture part. As for myself, I like to match colors and to arrange things. I like things to be in ordered and neat. I hate a surrounding that is not under control. And in this career, I needed to learn drawing too! Which is a bonus for me! (draw furniture and stuffs)

So for now, I'll just keep hoping that this ambitions story will stop, although it was fun in searching myself, but you know, I needed to be more serious about my future as I aged.

I don't want to regret.

[STORY]

Haters

World is just a stopover to the Akhirah. So as humans, we must do goods for the sake to enter the Jannah that we have been dreaming of for our whole lives. We must make this world to be a better place.

But why there are such humans sending hates in social medias or even in the reality? Although they know that they are wrong? They ruined all the intentions to spread goods and make the world to be a better place.

Well, I am not blaming for their opposite opinions towards others. Because that's make the world fun, right? IF we all have same opinions, interests, wouldn't it will become such a boring place to live in? Katakanlah, we all have interest in cars ONLY, than there would be no buildings, products, phones, clothes or anything else. Many kind of interests and opinions are making the world is way more fun actually. So the opposite opinions, are not wrong. It can't be help.

But what is wrong is THE WAY YOU ARE EXPRESSING YOUR OPINIONS.

It is very childish for who sending hates or I can say, express their "opinions" in very bad ways. Why you did that? Oh, because they are not good enough? Because they are not worth enough to do what they do? Because they did wrongs? Oho wait a second man, they have feelings! And you hurt them! Why don't you actually ADVICE them in DM and in a GOOD way instead? Telling them that "I think your... is better that way.. I hope this won't hurt your feelings.. I just want you to be better.." instead of cursing as much as you could? 

You are wasting your time and energy, and even involve many people and wasting their times and energies. And made a bunch of arguments and fights. I know you have way more better things to do but you wasted it

Why? Why you did that? To let go your anger? Tsk, I just want to say, it's not worth your time.

Put down your ego and think about others.
And for those who get any hates, in social medias or even in the reality, be positive. Allah is the best planner, it has been said in Quran. All you must do is to reflect yourself. There have been ALWAYS, at least a reason, why a thing happened. You must think why did Allah do that to you. Is it either the things you did in the past or the lesson you must take? It can be anything! Take the hates you get as a good thing to improve yourself. "oh maybe I think I should do.. so that's why..".

And the next step is, patience. It is really important. Instead of fight back, why not go talk properly to them? Remember the 34th hadith about prevent the bad things.

عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيْد الْخُدْرِي رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ : سَمِعْتُ رَسُوْلَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُوْلُ : مَنْ رَأَى مِنْكُمْ مُنْكَراً فَلْيُغَيِّرْهُ بِيَدِهِ، فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِلِسَانِهِ، فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِقَلْبِهِ وَذَلِكَ أَضْعَفُ اْلإِيْمَانِ
Dari Abu Sa’id Al Khudri radiallahuanhu berkata : Saya mendengar Rasulullah shallallahu`alaihi wa sallam  bersabda: “Siapa yang melihat kemungkaran maka rubahlah dengan tangannya, jika tidak mampu maka rubahlah dengan lisannya, jika tidak mampu maka (tolaklah) dengan hatinya dan hal tersebut adalah selemah-lemahnya iman.”
(Riwayat Muslim)
So change the haters with kindness. Advice them, properly and just two of you there, not in the public.
Or if you can't or it didn't work, just pray for their best and ignore them. And that's the worst level of Iman.
But whatever happens, you must do your best to prevent.
Instead of put oil onto fire, you must take out the fire until it totally gone, slowly, without hurting anyone.

May Allah ease everything, Assalamualaikum. Bye!

[CONFESSION]